Childhood memory: sleep paralysis

i used to exhaust myself
but i could never sleep
my head would hit the pillow
my eyes would droop shut
but i would lie awake for hours
tossing and turning
clutching stuffed toy animals
listening to the train rattling outside

then my body would shut down
but my mind?
wide awake
i could see my bedroom
as if i was conscious
could see my body lying,
twitching

i remember trying to open my mouth
trying to scream for my mother
'help me help me' i would internally come out
but my mouth wouldn't open
and you couldn't hear a sound

i'd force myself to cough
try to throw around my limbs
i'd try to pinch myself
pull my hair
but my body was as heavy as a brick
unresponsive

i'd just have to lie there
helpless and immobile
until my mind also surrendered
and everything went black